I can't trust anyone anymore.
The people I love more than anything continue to turn on me.
Continuously hurting me, and insulting me, and abandoning me.
And it hurts.
It really fucking hurts.
I feel like I have nowhere left to turn.
I try to open up, let them in, let them know exactly what's going on in my life. Exactly how I'm feeling.
And then they shut me down. Tell me I'm stupid. I'm overreacting. I'm worthless.
I'm done opening myself up to people.
All they do is let me down.
Prove to me that I really can't trust them.
I'm done trying to make everyone happy.
Trying to be perfect.
Do everything right.
I'm done trying to fix things.
Make you see that we can work things out.
When we really can't.
I'm done trying to have a relationship with you.
Prove how much I love you.
When you clearly want nothing to do with me.
I'm just... done.
Bri
About Me
- Brianna Lee
- Manteca, California, United States
- I'm Brianna. Eighteen. Happy. Figure out more on your own. :)
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ReplyDeleteBrianna, I know how upsetting it can be when you open yourself up, and people treat your feelings like they're worthless. Like they're nothing but overreactions. I know, because I've lived through it too, and it frustrated me, it bruised me. Your reaction is familiar, and totally understandable.
ReplyDeleteBut...flawed. You're letting OTHER people decide what you do with your life, what you do with your feelings. And that's a pretty big power you're handing over to them, don't you think? Their shitty reactions shouldn't create a similarly poor one in you--you need to be the strong thinker, the smart one.
Instead of shutting down, stand up. You can (a) open up only to people who respond positively to your feelings, or (b) tell the people close to you how their reactions hurt you. Maybe they don't know how they made you feel, how they frustrated you. Don't give up on them, make it better. Make it right. Work on making it the way it should be.
You are right in one thing though--you should be done with trying to make everyone happy. Your life is yours, and the 2-3 people you care about most can get a part in it too. Now, as an adult, my decisions are made for me and Joey, instead of for me, my mom, my dad, my teachers, my friends, people I didn't even know but wanted to like me. You can't spend all your time on everyone else. Because that means the most important person, YOU, is ignored. And that definitely burns you out.
There are people out there to trust. I've found 3, and consider myself lucky. You'll find yours too. But the most important realization is that, yes, you'll find them.
Don't let them shut you down. Live on.
Bri, I just want you to know that even though we aren't good friends anymore you can still come to me if you need someone to talk to. You are still apart of our creative writing family. I may even be someone you ate talking about in this writing, or I may not. Either way I won't you to know that you can still trust me as a person and I'm someone you cab turn too. I hope everything gets better and that you believe what I said.
ReplyDelete