Fear.

I don't have a clue what to do anymore. At all. Everything has become so complicated and confusing. And I hate feeling like no matter how hard I try, it will never change. Things will never feel good like they used to. I'll never be happy like I used to.

I know I have a long life ahead of me, beyond all this. And I know that things won't always be this bad. But it's been this way for two years now, and I've tried to fix it and nothing has worked. And I wonder why I even bother trying anymore.

Why can't I just let it go, why can't I move on, move past this, get a grip and start over? Why? I want change. I need it, because otherwise I'll keep standing still. Never progressing, never moving forward. I want to feel happy again, truly happy. I want it for real.

But I'm scared. I'm scared of what will happen if I move on. I'm scared I'll lose myself in the process. I'm scared that I'll be doomed to feel like this forever.

I'm terrified.

And I hate that.







Bri

First blog post :)

So, for my first blog post I am going to talk about something totally exciting (Not). The dentist. I absolutely loathe going to the dentist, which I'm sure most people do. I mean, who likes sitting in an uncomfortable chair for God knows how long having some random person poking, pulling, and prying at your teeth? Not me that's for sure!
I literally just got back from a dentist appointment to have some cavities (yuck) filled. And next Wednesday I have to go back to have the last two filled. I worry about everything under the sun so I wasn't told about today's dentist appointment until after school because my parents didn't want me to freak out over something so tiny. I know, it's probably dumb to be afraid of going to the dentist, but I can't help it.
After he gave me an injection to numb my mouth, he and the dental assistant started filling my cavities and all I could was just sit there, stare at the cracks in the ceiling above me, and wait for this torture to be over. And, thankfully, only 30 minutes later it was :) Now I'm sitting here, typing this, waiting for the right side of my mouth to get feeling back in it.


What a fun Wednesday :)




Bri