Breakfast at Tiffany's.

Holly Golightly once said she had the mean reds. The mean reds are horrible.
"Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of."

I feel like Holly.
I'm scared. Terrified.
And I can't pinpoint it to one specific reason.

Maybe it's the future that's looming just in front of me.
Maybe I'm afraid of losing you.
Maybe I'm afraid I'll never be worth anything to you.

But.

The future is going to come whether I like it or not.
I've already lost you, so I can't lose you again.
I'll never be perfect, and that's just a simple fact.

So, what am I afraid of?
Why do I wake up every morning with the "mean reds"?
Why do I carry them in my chest like my nervously beating heart?

I'm not sure.
I'm not sure of anything anymore.
All I know, is that I'm terrified.
And I don't know why.


Bri.